i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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