Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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