Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
