HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
