If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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