he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
