Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
