I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
