I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
