I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
