Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Still dying that you shit outside
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize