i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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