I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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