She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
