He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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