Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
