hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
