happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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