We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
