Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
