i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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