Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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