dude i'm inner monologue high
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
