My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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