My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
