just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
