i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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