i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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