remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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