I look better un-naked...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
