I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
