# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
