I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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