She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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