I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
