I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
