man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
