I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize