We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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