you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You have to summon your inner elephant
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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