cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
