I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
