After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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