I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
