I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
