call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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