So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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