i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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