dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
