North Korea, Best Korea!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Randomize
