Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
