I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
