I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
