You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
