I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
