i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
