talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
