i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
