I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
