Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize