One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
