rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
