did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
