Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
