4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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