well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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