hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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