I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am available for nakedness
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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