A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize