I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
