I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
