I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
