true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
