woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
