I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
