you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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