Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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