Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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